Tips for Fetlife and BDSM starters

tips bdsm starters fetlife

tips bdsm starters fetlife brisbane mistress.

The idiots’ guide to fetlife

As a lifestyle Mistress and professional Dominatrix, I get many requests on fetlife from new (and old) slaves. There seems to be lot of confusion out there as to how best to approach a Mistress so here’s a few pointers.

1. Address a Dominant as they wish to be addressed – you need to ask, not assume.

2. Read profiles properly before contacting anyone – otherwise you’re likely to be admonished, most likely you’ll just be ignored (and left wondering why). The other side of the coin is you may be giving your adoration to someone who doesn’t deserve it – read back on their history and comments etc before you devote yourself to them

3. Please address Me as Mistress, not Goddess. If you’d read My profile properly, you would know I’m not into body worship, nor am I looking for a slave/boi.

4. Careful with your wording, especially if messaging someone. “Considering” has a different meaning in BDSM than real life, for example.

5. Join some groups (type your interest into the Search bar) and learn from mentors of similar nature, be polite and ask questions.. Make sure to read the group rules before you join, you don’t want to get kicked out because you overlooked it

6. Don’t post opinions on anything – fetlife is for networking, not gossip or bad karma – there’s already plenty of that IRL

7. Try to meet people at munches and social gatherings – don’t go out with the sole purpose of “looking” for a Dominant. If you search “Places”, you’ll find local activities there. The right person will come along – it will happen organically and as it’s supposed to

8. The most important thing to keep in mind is it isn’t all about you. Think about what you can bring to the relationship/scene. Lots of subs and slaves are naturally shy, but you’re going to have to get well out of your comfort zone to please a Dominant, so why not start with getting yourselves out there? Serving at a luncheon or volunteering for a working bee or a dungeon cleaning day is a good way to get noticed and enjoy the benefits of giving service to others.

tips bdsm starters fetlife

With these rules in mind, I’m sure you’ll find it easier to explore this amazing lifestyle with confidence and meet many wonderful like minded kinksters.

But always remember, follow your instincts. Just because someone says they’re a Dominant doesn’t make them a good Dominant.

Don’t give yourself over to someone who hasn’t earned their stripes.


Mistress Dark Rose

Lifestyle Mistress ~ Professional Dominatrix ~ BDSM Coach and Author

Brisbane 0499 978 955